| Steve's Vigil |
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| 10:31pm 06/09/2006 |
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mood:  totally crushed
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i never had to try not to cry so hard. when i was being interviewed i was only holding back a lil, i was really wasted from 4 hrs of sleep then taking some strong meds. i was totally wiped out.
i never expected so many people to come, there was at least 150 people. maybe around 200 showed in all. we shared stories, had sopme laughes, remembered steve for who he was. some of the stories were almost too much to listen to. to have someone share things like these with me, wanting to meet me and just talk. here's a few memorable ones:
i met a boy there, Steve was his hero as long as he was mine, but this boy, said if it wasnt for Steve, he peobably wouldnt have made it. i wondered what he meant, he said he watched steve everyday in the hopsital....during his cancer treatment. he couldnt be more than 12 years old. i plan to keep in touch with him :)
another story was of a woman, her son, my age, died less than a month ago, she did a very unselfish thing coming to the vigil. she of all people, has the right to just crawl into bed and just, stay there. just not crawl out until she wanted to. steve made that much of a diffrence, for her to come and mourn him as well.
another, this was the toughest i'd heard. a father was there, with his two kids. he was all over em, just a really great dad. he was there to say goodbye to steve, just 1 week after his wife, the mother of his children, had herself died. how he did this is just, appauling. i have no idea how he can already get out of bed. there was no way steve, or anyone would jhave known how he truly impacted people.
me and my mom and dad, my brothers, everyone went around to thank the people who had come. swap stories of why steve was so great. just get it off of our chests, and say goodbye. though, i was there for 4-5 hours at least, and that whole time, i was holding back a waterfall of tears, tears i had yet to shed, but i wanted to be strong for everyone.
i had 3 mics on me for a while, so i didnt want to then, cameras were on me alot fo the time, and people kept coming to me, thanking me for it. im so glad they all saw why i was doing this, it wasn't for me, it wasnt even really for steve, it was for the people, to be able to let go. i had people thank me for giving them something, anything. how alot of them just felt lost, walking in circles with no way to think of saying their goodbyes. i gave them that.
so far my phone interview was played over and over yesterday the day before and today, i was also played talking on at least 4 radio stations over and over. it was even on MSNBC and CNN across the bottom i was told. and live i was on 3 news stations, will be in the newspaper tomorrow(page 4 woot!) and i got many many pics. i also recorded the news clips with me in em. we're gonna get the pics developed and on disks, i'll show you all everything i can.
i'm getting more pics from some people there, i gave em my email. we also raised $118 for the Denver Zoo's conservation program. we're going back tomorrow to give the money up. we completely filled to huge posterboards and 3 maybe 6foot by 6foot sheets of paper. we got a toy croc, 2 bouquets, several notes and $10 dollars to send to the Australia Zoo. not to mention the tapes and every photo we can get our dirty little hands on. :)
i'll post them all here, the pics and im getting the clips of the news here too later, i'll scan the news article for ya here too.
we realise that they get lots of fanmail from individuals, but this is the 150+ ppl all sending their love at one time :)
i hope they like it. mama and papa know we're...well, we've lost money from this and arent going to stop here, getting the message and love to them is more important.
..i dont want to say goodbye..
i have a pic we had there in my room. my hero, my idol. i wont let his efforts die with him.
gah this is hard to say, and harder to type...
Goodbye Steve, i love you like a best friend, almost like a father, my mentor.
....please come back :(
The speech I gave(i made lil alteration on the spot so its not exact :P):
Steve Irwin was much more than a Crocodile hunter, he was an ambassador, a friend, a father, a lover, a hero, an overall great man. His sudden passing has effected many people all over the world, and many animals he could have saved. His smile, his love for animals, and quirkyness, his courage and strength will all be sorely missed.
Our hearts go out to Terri, both Bobs, and Bindi-sue Irwin for their terrible loss. Anyone and everyone impacted by this great man, knows that his death is a tremendous loss for humans and animals alike. We all give love to the Australia zoo, and wish them luck in this hard time.
The world really won’t be the same without Steve around. Though I’m sure, even in death he will keep making a difference in the lives of everyone, human and animal alike. We cannot let his efforts in animal conservation die along with him. I’m sure he’ll be watching us, and leading us, everyone to help save endangered species.
I quote from him: "I have no fear of losing my life — if I have to save a koala or a crocodile or a kangaroo or a snake, mate, I will save it." We can make sure he can keep saving them even now. Please make sure to donate, educate, take action. That’s the only way to help the way he did. He can live on through us; the animals can live on too.
September 4, 2006, is another day the world has changed forever.
Bye Steve, we all miss you. Croc’s Rule! |
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2 Thingies - Clicky Here! |
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| 12:34am 04/09/2006 |
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mood: wtf kinda mood u think im in!?
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Steve Irwin, one of my idols, one of the greatest people on this planet, died today...
i'm almost completely speechless, all i keep thinking is that i wish i could have met him. he taught me more than any teacher i ever had. i grew up watching him, since before i can remember, i was learning about animals and animal conservation, i've always wanted to have a conservation team when i grew up, and work with him.
god i wonder how Terri, Bindi and Bob are doing.(Bob, his dad, his son Bob is only 3) oh that just makes me more sad, Bob wont even remember his dad, jesus...
whats gonna happen now? to Terri, the show, the zoo? will Bindi maybe still grow up to be in love with animals like her father?
he was only fucking 44!! wtf!! i hope he got to surf for a bit before it happened, he LOVED surfing. i bet not alot of people knew that. or knew he could barely do it anymore because of his injuries :P
i'm gonna keep an eye on animal planet for a memorial, for news on anything. hopefully they'll make a sanctuary in his name and honor. here's more on what happened:
CAIRNS, Australia - Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and environmentalist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed Monday by a stingray while filming an underwater documentary on the Great Barrier Reef. He was 44.
Irwin was killed by a stingray barb to the heart on Batt Reef, off the remote resort town of Port Douglas in northeastern Queensland state, his wildlife park Australia Zoo said in a statement.
Crew members aboard Irwin's boat, Croc One, called emergency services in the nearest city, Cairns, and administered CPR as they rushed the boat to nearby Low Isle to meet a rescue helicopter. Medical staff pronounced Irwin dead a short time later, the statement said.
Irwin was killed by a stingray barb to the heart on Batt Reef, off the remote resort town of Port Douglas in northeastern Queensland state, his wildlife park Australia Zoo said in a statement.
anyone who knows stingray barbs know they are FUCKED UP.
my heart's all sunken low into my stomach, i wish sam was here...i need a big huggle.. :(
i cant imagine Steve dead, just how? wtf? how does a stingray stab the barb into your fuggin heart they usually stay kind of low. unless steve fell onto it or something... w/e im sure i'll have more details for you soon...and in a few years, maybe they'll show the video. i want to see what happened. ok well, gonna play wow or lie down or somethin to get my mind off of it. |
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| 08:07pm 31/08/2006 |
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mood:  sleEEeeEEpeh!
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well in other news seeing as im already here :P
Piano Squall's gonna be at NDK \o/
im getting my Rebecca Chambers outfit ready and makin room in my house for Darren to come over. hopefully i can get a hold of him soon to make sure hes still going to come this year. its going to be teh 4W50M3!!!
ooooooooh and if they let sam take leave he'll be here over NDK and get a peek into my nerdy cons! wootness! then again i'd have to dress him up as Chris*drools at the thought of RE and Sam coming together into one awsometastic package*AAAAAAAAAAAANYWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i need to hit the forums soon and say hi to everyone, wanted to real bad but before with my comp tweakin all the time and now with the constant unpacking and cleaning and stuuif like AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
soon tho!
also i went to the dentist today and basically its pretty awsome to go there. my doc is fuggin awsome to the maxxxx. one time he even came to work in all pink pajamas just to make people laugh :D hes so awsome.
anywho i got there and they had to fill my cavity. just a lil one but in a tender spot. it sucked! like, he had to give me those shots in my gum right? and like omfg the numbing topical cream just tasted bad but it still huuuuuuuuurt! he was like"you'll feel a little pinch....ok well a few big pinches" i was like "ergh? OWWWW!!!!!!"and now i can barely open my mouth more than an inch before it hurts like hell :(
not to mention i couldnt feel my lower left jaw or more than half my tongue for a few hours, i tried to eat and ended up chomping hard on my tongue and makin it bleed, yea ow. its just a lil tender now but i really wanted that tacobell DAMNIT!!!!!!!! the weird part was i couldnt taste anything eityher but with the right side of my tongue, and everything like on that side tasted weeeeeeeird O_o
and on another topic all together sam hasnt been sent away yet, they wotn tell him when tho. tards
im also really getting into WoW thanks to Sam and LegatoJoe*huggles* im only in a trial character now but already lvl 12. im a Tauren Shaman :D in a few days im going to convert to a regular account. oh and joe they said they wont charge that card without asking for an extended thingy-ma-bob and at that point i'll change the info cause atm they wont even aknowlage i gave them any info...weirdos.. i'll get it all fixed up :D
and now i am teh sleepeh cause i woke up early to go to the dentist and crap so ima catch a nap then maybe unpack or something. aaaaaaaaaaanywhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo NAPPEH TIME! *snuggles fuzzy thing* |
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2 Thingies - Clicky Here! |
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| Why cant we get a fuckin break!?! |
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| 11:27pm 26/08/2006 |
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mood: sad as a mofo
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sam was denied leave over my b-day at the last second for fucking TDY(Temporary duty) then got sent away for 2 weeks. i kept looking forward to the 19th cause he'd come back that day, and i just wanted him for a moment cause we were moving that day..he didnt come..
so i waited the next day and still, he wasnt home, i ended up spending 3 days in the empty apartment by myself, just waiting. he finally got back but i only got a few hour with him. but it wasnt like quality time, he wanted to play games. it was understandable i mean, he wasnt able to play for the 2 weeks and it was his favorite game!
plus i'd have more time with him later right?....of course not, theyre sending him away again on monday, maybe just tomorrow. they wont tell him, they wont tell him anything.
not where hes going or when he'll be back. all he knows is hes going with live ammo. i can barely find points in time where im not crying. and its mostly cause i was exsausted from crying. go down and get a drink and replenish my tears.
even now im crying, im just so afraid. he better come back and unharmed. if anything were ever to happen to him i'd never be happy again. before i met him i didnt have a whole lot to get out of bed for. like i told him i'd never get out of bed or do any thing. i would have anything to work for if he was gone.
...but he reminded me of a promise he made me make, right after i met him, even before we were dating. he made me promise i'd go to college. and like finish, and not go into the military. heh..after i met him i definately dont want to do that anymore. i dont want anyone i know to get into that pile of shit. fuck the military, fuck this war, fuck bush. everyone can go to hell, i just want them to leave sam alone.
i've lost faith in alot of things, i always made wished all the ancient ways i ever heard. and the not-so-ancient like b-day candles. all my wishes were about him taking leave to see me, not getting deployed or something...now im thinking those things betrayed me now.
i just want to be in sams arms... |
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1 Thingy - Clicky Here! |
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| HTEY FUCKIN GOT ME MOTEHRFUCKERS |
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| 10:30am 26/05/2006 |
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BHZGJKBZBSdvj<VHHJSDJ HGB THDRDFT NJRTDA ND FNB AA GVFSDNGHP5EH 4M 1Q2GF WAE,GBV RSDB ZSD F BDf aB SdaerHN LETanbkrB THOSE MOTHERFUCKER GOT ME I WAS TRYING TO GET MONEY FOR SAM
I WAS JUST GONNA MAKE SAM HAPPY
I GOT MY STUFF STOLEN
I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED IM SO PISERD OFF RIGHT NOW I NEVER CREID SO HARD I JUST WANTED SAM TO BE HAPPY
S C VCXHBDBVUKGESDLNBGURDFNF B FDX BNRESDJB SDFH NBRT JURTD ND FCN DB NKXF CILKC VKLJBDF LNK FDSRG OJ; 4W9PUT[32 T235-
k im gonna go puke out of sadness and anger now and explain tomorrow maybe |
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Clicky Here! |
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| update! |
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| 07:19am 20/05/2006 |
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mood:  RAWRGLEFUCK
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So im going to Alaska this fall. :) originally i was going there just to be with Sam, lookin for reasons to be there and just be with him. but this is also my chance to actually go to college! UAA is what ima go to and just do normal studies until im 18, then when that ahppenes ima go into archaeology.
but before that in 2 months Sam'll be coming down here for my birthday!! it seems like just a few days ago that i reccommended that he come here :) they told him he could take leave that week.....if he's not deployed first... he better not ever be deployed. i'd get ulcers and never leave hgome just always write letters to him. i promised him, even before we actually started going out that i'd write to him every day. letters are like gold when youre deployed, i know that from family and other friends who have been before.
it scares me everyday that he might be deployed, that i might never get to know what his skin feels like...or how me smells, how me moves or what his voice sounds like outside headphones... i just, nother ever better happen to him. i would never be happy again if i lost him. its like hes the only real reason i wake up anymore. other wise i'd sleep in, never go outside, never really get my goals accomplished. i never really had much motivation. now everything i do has a purpose yaknow? been going out for like 8 months or something like that. neither of us remember when we met exactly ^^;;;
and its like everyone takes him for granted. like you find friends like him everyday. especially us, this is true love it doesnt happen often :P
we been havin troubles with a friend of his lately. it really seems like he trying to steal me from Sam, like thats gonna work right? at 1st when we both kinda noticed i brushed it off my shoulder, then i got curious. i started thinkin about all the weird things the guy was doing that was out of character, and what was like the REAL him that i didnt know. he's done this before and lost friends over it. i hope i'm not gettin between the two of em. like, Sam said its not my fault and everything but really i feel like it is, at least a lil..
it's cute tho cause neither of us have really had this happen so we are all confused about what our own reactions are. and if we are like overreacting. BAH we are btoh so like...weird XD
god i love him so much and i think i hurt his feelings :( his friend IMed me while we were playing a game, and we were both like i bet its him, so i logged off to see what he wanted, even tho Sam was really sleepy and wantedt to play the game with me:( i feel like such a retard for doing that. i got back on really fast cause i wanted to spend time with sam but i ended up leaveing again like2 or 3 more times:(
ack im such a fuckin idiot. i keep apologising but he says it ok. i know it hurt him at least a lil. and i never ever want him to hurt, especially cause of me... jus' wanna smash my head into a curb for that i swear. it just keeps pokin me right in the back of my brain and stabbing thru the front. he's having a seriosu talk with 2 of his friends right now, er i think only one atm but he was talking to his friend that is trying to steal me earlier. i wonder how it went. i cant get anything out of him so it must be pretty intese with the other friend.
i hope i get the chance to talk to him today. i get really sad and pissed off when i dont get my daily dose of sammich :P |
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| omgomgomgfreakingoutomg |
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| 05:51am 24/04/2006 |
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mood:  Phobia-Induced Freak Out
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BLEEEEEH i love sam so much!! i can't even think straight half of the time anymore. like i feel like a doofus, but like...in a good way i guess:P i was lookin for colleges in his area and found one litereally down the street from the air force base he lives at. so like woot. its like meant to be too cause it has a great archaeology program!
im like drooling over this friggin school. so mama and i are gonna work on gettin mt in there asap. i have gotten alot of letters from colleges accepting me, but we threw alot of them out so i dont remember if one was from UAA or not. we'll hope so:P if not ima bust ass to get in there.
on another note mama got the stomach flu or something so im freakin out over here. sam calmed me down quite a bit but i still cleaned the house top to bottom with clorox :P hopefully i dont get it...im gonna be extra tweaky for the next like 2 days. after that im safe.
damn this phobia, i dont know how papa can stay in their room with her. i mean hes GOT to have it by now. if my bro gets it too or papa im gonna like be living out on the bacony for the next few days. im serious too i will not come back in the house. on the verge of a nervous breakdown over here. thankfully i got sam and dardar to back me up, hopefully i can talk to dardar soon. i miss hims :(:(
so last night i saw 40 day and 40 nights. i totally love that movie but i was thinkin the whole movie "omg i could not do that seriosuly. i bet i couldnt last a week." then there was this part where these girls were like, "whats the big deal? its only 40 days." im over here like :O "wtf? are girls really like that normally and im just wierd?"
like cmon its all human nature to wanna have sex, not just guys.. unless, again, im weird. that is very possible tho:P the problem is i have like 2 friends who are girls and i rarely talk to them. kinda be akward ya know, call em up and be like "hey yeah, so i was wondering how often you like, masturbate/have sex" yeeeeeaaaaaaaaah not seein that happening. lol |
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| ow my heart |
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| 06:51am 15/04/2006 |
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mood: crushed
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as you all know, er, should is that i love sam. i love him more than anyone else. jus wanna snuggle him forever, but i found something out today, the first thing about him that made me upset. that he smokes.
i know it doesnt really seem like a big deal but i can hardly hug my parents after work because the smell is in their clothes. it tweaks my asthma out real bad and it just...
its his freind that does it too. gets him drunk, gets him to smoke(cause he's drunk) kinda takes attention from me.
i miss sam, he works with sam i barely get to hear his voice everyday. his friend doesnt really approve of us going out either, well ya know, hes a nice guy, but fuck him. he's messing everything up.
i just hope i get a good amout of time in before he gets deployed, thats whats killing me. i cant even stand when i dont talk to him for a day. it wouldn't have been so bad if maybe he just told me. just recently all these aspects of him, i thought he was so strong, he smokes and drinks for social reasons, not for himself. it makes me so sad, i wish i could just steal him away. i would give everything i have, EVERYTHING just to be with him for ONE day.
its making me feel bad every time someone brings up the distance thing or the age thing. yeah i realise that its a bit out of the ordinary, but love doesnt care about miles or years. it does bore into my heart tho all the ppl saying it wont work.
nice, i cried too much now i have a bloody nose. i dont like today so far.... |
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| 07:41pm 06/04/2006 |
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mood:  :D
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yeaaaaaaaaaah bored |
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Clicky Here! |
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| lol warky you goof |
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| 06:29am 24/03/2006 |
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mood: kinda dizzy
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WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!? lol j/k
oh i forgot to say that apparently my fishie did have tyberculosis, but its not contractable by humans after all. its a special fishy strain. so yay for not having the red death disease!*dancy* |
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| Plastination |
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| 06:03am 24/03/2006 |
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mood:  Curious, a bit scared
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OMG this stinks.
the plastination exibit is in colorado for a few months at the museum. and OMG I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE THEM IN PERSON FOR OVER 6 YEARS!!
but alas, i am afraid to go. my mom told her friend, a really pretty morbid guy. not quite as much as me but close.
so anyways, she told him the exibit was there and what it is. and hes like "fuck yeah i'm going to go see that!!" so he goes to the exibit a few days later. the day after he visits it he comes back to work, totally mortified. he says he felt violated, his words to my mom were that he felt like he was"raped". that i didnt really care about so much, i have seen many of the exibits online or tv, plastination is pretty grousome, and when you explain it to someone, it doesnt sound all that bad.
but what freaks me out is he said that people were throwing up. like at the end of the exibit(it apparently gets worse and worse the furthur into it you go)people were running out of it to the bathroom to throw up. now THIS is my phobia. so in order for me to see this amazing exibit, we have to go when the museum opens. we have before but i'll really have to rush to get out of there unless i somehow get the museum to just let me and my family in.
i can see why some people would throw up, to be sheltered like most people then*BAM*a dead corpse looking at you holding his own skin with all organs exposed. you turn around to look away and *BOOM* your face to face with a dead horse skinned with a rider also skinned sitting atop of him. my mom said her friend told her of one that i hadnt even heard of. a man, in life, was 6 feet tall. now, the plastinators streched him to an astounding 12 feet tall and 12 feet wide, organs being held up by wires in the giant cavity of his body. that would be so amazing to see.
one i really look forward to(god i hope its there)is a woman, died when 8 months pregnant. she is leaning very casually on her elbow lying on her side. her stomach opened, exposing the baby inside. i have only seen small photos of this. but its just very facinating to me.
the guy from my moms work said that the way that some bodies were, it seemed like the plastinators tortured them after death. i think alot of the bodies displayed are much like art, statues. i truly think they are gorgeous. yea they are cool, but i want to look at them as art, not as corpses. not like alot of the people who think they are strong-willed.
but we will see if i can hold my lunch after all(ok not that i will not let myself throw up.) but lets see if im totally mortified over absoulutly intruged. i hope they let me bring in a camera. i want to share some with you ^_^. |
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| i dont deserve this bullshit |
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| 04:05am 23/03/2006 |
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mood: how u fucking think i feel!?
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my fucking brother is such a dick. hes always dating some little slut who he says he loves. i envy him because he ends up talking to them like every day. i rarely get to talk to sam, sitting here just to see him, even if only for a moment. but usually i dont get that luxury. because sam works for the government, he gets home ass tired, with barely enough time to sleep. let alone enough time to jump on the internet to talk to me. but even if he jumped on just to say hi, that would be good enough for me.
tj, my asshole brother, whines about EVERYTHING. when his girlfriend doesnt call for a day he gets all upset. WE FUCK HIM!! HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO LET HIM TAKE THE INTERNET AWAY FROM ME. THATS THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO TALK TO SAM YOU PEICE OF SHIT! RESPECT ME YOU DICKWAD FUCKING ASS HOLE AND STOP WHINING LIKE THE LITTLE TODDLER BITCH YOU ARE.
i tell mama and papa how he treats me. they say"ok i'll talk to him" but what happens? NOTHING. YOU KNOW WHY!?!? BECAUSE THE DONT EVER FUCKING REALISE HOW RETARDED THIS IS FOR HIM TO TREAT ME THIS WAY. HE IS ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE I CAN HONESTLY SAY I AM BETTER THAN. i hate saying stuff liek that but hes a filthy, whining, crybaby, wannabe, thinks-he-knows-everything-about-everything, childish FUCKING PEICE OF SHIT THAT DOESNT DESERVE TO BE HERE.
he says"i cant wait to turn 18 so i can move out. i will too asap" OH YES YOU WANNABE! THAT WOULD BE WHAT WE BOTH WANT!! hes not smart enough and waaaaaaay to picky to fucking move out on his own. he cant even get a fucking job!!
sometimes i hope that when im out with my friends or at the movies or something, when im alone, that someone will try to kidnap me. so i can pull out my blade. i'd twist it into them. i'd bury my fingers into their skin and feel around. i've always wanted to know what bare muscles feel like. seeing the life leave someones body is something that cannot be truly caputred my a camera. someday i hope i can experience it.
he has pissed me off so mcuh that just knwoing that hes awake pisses me off so bad that i cry. i cry because i can do nothing else with the anger that builds up in the pit of my stomach. i have dreams that i kill him ya know. i do wake up sad. thats why i wish someone would just TRY me. i cant start it first though. i can get in trouble that way. if someone was to try to kidnap me, thats good enough reason for me to bash their skulls into itty bitty peices. when im home alone im happy, because im finally able to be totally free and in control. if someone would please try to break in, well lets use the laws name to be funny, MAKE...MY...DAY...*^_^*
we have so many fun ways to kill in this house. baseball bat by the front door. the large mirror by my parents room. the drawer full of steak knives. all the pairs of scissors. home-made flamethrower. yay for hairspray. other than that i would never use it. manicure things, those are sharp too. the corner of the computer desk. a floor-lamp would also be fun. how about a nice hot broken lightbulb in the eye?
i can feel that im becoming, two people. the me i usually am, and this one. if only someone(i hate saying these words)would help me. i truly want to be the me i usually am. the noise in my head is getting louder. its like, egging me on. go ahead, youre mad, get it out dont bottle me up. i always used to bottle my anger up. and sadness. it would be easier if i didnt have the life i have. yeah it could be worse, i know that for sure. but this house, everyone in it is angry, and its mirroring off of me.
thats why im happy when people are gone. when its just me. because i cant feel what someone feels if they arent near me. if i cant see them or hear them. if i close my eyes and cover my ears, the radius varies of who i feel. 6 meters or so.
thats another reason why my brother pisses me off. hes always saying my cat is stupid. yeah shes a bit on the slow side about something she cares nothing for. but she is smarter than most cats, hell even most people. the reason i know that, is because she knows what she wants, and how to get it. shes happy. but when tj calls her stupid, she hears it. he doesnt understand that. she know what he said is about her, she knows its negative. so i fight for her, saying over and over shes not stupid. but tj, he always just keeps saying it.
for someone whos wiccan, and belives in this, ugh, supposedly belives in what im talking about, he is such a douchebag. and a hippicrit. just go away. GO AWAY
if it doesnt stop, i will turn this all on him. ALL OF IT. i will never treat him with respect, i will call him stupid to his face. i will smack him, punch him, tell him to shut the flying fuck up. everything i dislike about him, i will point out. then not listen to him back. this time, i wont dumb it down, i wont stop. yea i love my parents with all fo my heart, and they love him. but when i tell them these things he does when they arent around, they dont do SHIT ABOUT IT. I will give them ONE day to change him. one more chance for him before all of this starts.
last time, when i almost overflowed before, i acted like that. just to him. and you know what he did? eventually he attacked me. but i did something he didnt see in me. i fought back. i won. hes such a pussy. he cant even beat his little sister. he whined and cried. but i didnt get in trouble, because he hit me first. physically that is.
i think i just realised something. all of my favorite creatures, they were normal, generally happy people. but they all have one thing in common. lets see if whoever is reading this sees the similarities.
some of my favorite characters ever:
The Hulk
Dr. Jekyll/ Mr.hide
Michael(underworld(2))
david(an american werewolf in london)
The Narrorator((edward norton's character))(Fightclub)
the list goes on like that. i think i just found out why i've been obsessed with werewolves my whole life. i think, that im trying to subconciously tell myself that having an alter-ego who murders is ok. lol not really that. but that i understand wanting that. if i could just, like, turn into a werwolf and kill people or something, get that anger out. it would be nice. i couldnt be blamed either. not my fault! it was my alter ego! but only killing people who deserve it.
watch out zombies. when you come out to play, beleve me you are my targets. oh wouldnt that be marvelous? they are already dead! we need to kill them. god i wish i could be in the FBI. or like the CIA. if only something would happen. if something doesnt come along that lets me get this out, im afraid something is going to happen. like dead serious.
darren has been helping me though. and i REALLY REALLY appreciate it. it seems hes the only one who actually listens to what i say. im so lucky to have him. i found the perfect song to use his breathing tecniques with too. A Warm Place by NIN. on LJ he's ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) jiffydarren
dangit, i need to cut my nails. i keep getting angry and clenching my fists. its making little marks in my hand. poo. i like my nails. well the eczema is making them brittle anyways. i suppose i need to give having pretty nails a rest. man, just as i said that part of my middle fingernail broke off. |
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4 Thingies - Clicky Here! |
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| uh oh |
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| 07:02pm 19/03/2006 |
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mood: OMG i dun wanna be sick!!
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ok so this is a bit of a long story so i'll explain it as well as i can
lets start off by saying that i may have contracted tyberculosis. O.O;;
my favorite fishy Crooked Back died recently. we thought he had a bad spine that was just really crooked. but this morning, we found out that there is a distict possibility that he himself had a kind of fishy tyberculosis. this is rarely contageious toward OTHER FISH but it is highly contractable toward humans that come in contact with the fish/water. now this is only when contact occurs with open wounds or sores.
now anyone who knows coco well enough knows she has really bad eczema, so i always have some sort of open wound on my arms and legs. i have been sticking my arms in the water to try to help him before he died and help the other fishies and snails.
we have all stuck our hands in the water recently, like before he died or just after. we are all going in to get tested soon. as soon as possible for that matter. tomorrow we are going to call the doctors office. we would have sooner but they are closed on weekend.
i always wondered why doctors offices are closed those days as people are sick ALL THE TIME oh well! i'll tell you how the test goes later:P
wish me luck!! |
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2 Thingies - Clicky Here! |
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| HOLYSHITOMGWTFBBQAAAAAAHHHHHHHHSHIT! |
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| 11:52pm 17/03/2006 |
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mood:  BLLLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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SAMS BACK WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
omgomgomgomgomg
holy shit omg!!
the fucking airforce decided to work Sam's ass off like 14+hr days so he would get home and have like 7 1/2 hrs to sleep tops unless(like usual)they keep him overtime or some shit so this is how it happened:
im sittin online listening to TeamSpeak like i did everyday hoping sam would get on and one of my friends Jonis says"omg is that phron!?"(his screenname)
and i was like, thats not even funny then i said"are u serious?"
so hes like"yeah!" i was like"omgomg tell him to get on TS!!"
so like yeah
i'll write when i can think strait!! :P:P |
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Clicky Here! |
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| Not happy anymore |
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| 07:12pm 17/03/2006 |
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mood: my tears wont stop
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no one knows where Sam is.
he just dissapeared.
no one online knows where he could have gone..or why
none of our friends on teamspeak
or the forums we all go on
when i log on teamspeak,
i always hope i'll see his screen name
but not since the end of febuary have i seen it
but i have the worst feeling...that they deployed him ;_;
i just want him back...i wanna know that hes safe
stupid war;
its ruining everything..
something better not have happened to him.
or i'll never be as happy as i was before
and because im not"family"
the govt wont tell me if they deployed him or not
his voicemail is full
his emails are going unanswered
he isnt posing on the forums he posts on evey day
if someone can tell me how i can see where he is
or find it out for me,
i will be eternally greatful
i promised him...
i promised i'd send mail every day
every week at the least
but because i dont know where he is
my promise is breaking
and so is my heart
....
....
..i just want my sammich back.. |
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Clicky Here! |
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a lil *wink wink nudge nudge*
Bleh
